So, I was on http://www.gaiaonline.com earlier tonight, when I decided I was going to show this shmuck what a total idiot he was, and started trying to get him angry. We argued back and forth, and his argument consisted mainly of "Fuck you, you're retarded." However, he pointed something out that I'm quite ashamed of. I'd dropped down to the level of a troll, and a bad one at that. I had become that which I claim to have no time for, that which I try to ignore most times I come across it.
I'm a White Knight, I come to the defense of Newbies in Guild Wars when people are taking advantage of them, I explain things to them, sometimes ten times if I need to, to try and help them, and I go into most situations in game with an open mind to meeting new people.
I don't do this in the rest of my life. I tend to mind my own business, and find myself looking down on others in a snobby, ignorant way. I'm judgmental, and command immediate respect from people, even when they have to earn it from me.
In trying to badly parody this pinnacle of every dark emotion in the human spectrum, I realized I wasn't doing anything different than he was, I was just masking it behind my own self righteousness. I help people in Guild Wars because in some way, it validates that I'm a good person to strangers. It shows that I'm a good person, in some small way, which excuses my general distaste for everyone else. This should change.
I should change, even in the way I act towards strangers. I'm a skeptic, and a realist, particularly in regards to other people. I always think that a crowd is out to get me, and that I'm about to get pushed, punched, etc. I'm afraid of the very world I want to try and protect. I don't even know how to go about solving it.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
We're doing this wrong.
Greetings to my abandoned blog. Today I'm here to talk to you about something we're, in my humble opinion, doing wrong. I was watching a movie with my girlfriend today, my lovely girlfriend who I'd do anything to protect, and there were women being raped and murdered on the screen. I can't describe how much it ended up upsetting me. She observed that most people were hardened enough about that sort of thing, and we continued watching the movie. As it went on, the Police picked up a survivor girl from one of the rapes, but she wouldn't talk about it, so they arrested her. Then, they cut a deal with the accomplice of the multiple rapist murderer.
I'm sorry, excuse me? Label me the Law-Abiding Citizen here, but that shouldn't cut it. I realize that in order for the justice system to function, there needs to be informators, and sometimes those are the accomplices. But it doesn't mean they should get off Scot-free. Something wrong has been done, and they should be dealt with as well.
I'm noticing that although society is taking steps to alleviate certain things like Racism, or Sexual Assault, or violence against the innocent, and this is, at it's core, good meaning folk wishing the best for others. However, not everyone gets to have such things. We're focusing too much on smaller problems of a bigger whole. What I'm referring to here, is that while we sit over in our stable environmental continent, while crimes go through as shocking tidbits in a regular day for most, or a life changing event for the unlucky, they're common place other places in the world, even within our own country.
The world is not a nice place. It has it's moments. Overall, this world is ripe with hatred and violence, and most reasons are dumb. One thing that came up during the movie was that I didn't really care about Native American/First Nations culture. I don't mean that disrespectively, but rather that I simply view them as equal to everyone else. The same goes for Asians, Afro-Canadian/Americans, etc. I don't see Arabian's as any different from other people either. It's just not my way of life, and I don't really understand why people can degrade eachother so senselessly. I mean, as anyone can really attest to, people of every ethnic origin are people. They have relatively speaking, the same flesh and blood as everyone else, but this doesn't seem to register. I don't know where they lost this idea. Perhaps it's in the religious texts from ages past, from the mouths of hateful and greedy leaders, but it needs to stop.
Now, I don't really mean to Patrick Stewart Speech you, but Humanity has so many great qualities going for it. We're infinitely adaptable, inventive, compassionate, capable of great feats. I believe that religion does a lot of good for people, even if I don't partake in it, however I also know that there are people that use belief out there for ill, and for abuse of fellow man. Take a look to the middle east, with the Israelis and Palestinians. This is not right, this is not just. However it is in ancient and more modern beliefs that such fight occur, and this must stop. People should be happy where they are, or if they aren't, they should have the freedom to try to do better, to strive for more out of life, not be shot down at gun point for not getting under a boot heel. This is created by evil men, whom have gained power.
I do not understand why people can do so much damage to one another. Speaking as someone who has hurt people emotionally and physically before, I regret everytime I did it, and I'd take it back if I could. But lately, I've taken a step back from the world and watched, and found that in my dealings with people, there isn't a lot that I should be very offended about. I may be upset for a few hours after it happens, but it's not worth stressing over. I'm used to people not believing what I believe in life, so maybe that gives me an edge, but I'm satisfied that people have their own beliefs and I have mine. My beliefs keep me happy, and living, and theirs do the same for them. Why is there conflict? There shouldn't be any there. I do not know enough about politics in Africa, or perhaps the lack of politics, to make any real commentary about that land, I wish I did though.
To finish up what might be this blog's revival, is a quote I found which I like. It's from Robert Heinlein.
I'm sorry, excuse me? Label me the Law-Abiding Citizen here, but that shouldn't cut it. I realize that in order for the justice system to function, there needs to be informators, and sometimes those are the accomplices. But it doesn't mean they should get off Scot-free. Something wrong has been done, and they should be dealt with as well.
I'm noticing that although society is taking steps to alleviate certain things like Racism, or Sexual Assault, or violence against the innocent, and this is, at it's core, good meaning folk wishing the best for others. However, not everyone gets to have such things. We're focusing too much on smaller problems of a bigger whole. What I'm referring to here, is that while we sit over in our stable environmental continent, while crimes go through as shocking tidbits in a regular day for most, or a life changing event for the unlucky, they're common place other places in the world, even within our own country.
The world is not a nice place. It has it's moments. Overall, this world is ripe with hatred and violence, and most reasons are dumb. One thing that came up during the movie was that I didn't really care about Native American/First Nations culture. I don't mean that disrespectively, but rather that I simply view them as equal to everyone else. The same goes for Asians, Afro-Canadian/Americans, etc. I don't see Arabian's as any different from other people either. It's just not my way of life, and I don't really understand why people can degrade eachother so senselessly. I mean, as anyone can really attest to, people of every ethnic origin are people. They have relatively speaking, the same flesh and blood as everyone else, but this doesn't seem to register. I don't know where they lost this idea. Perhaps it's in the religious texts from ages past, from the mouths of hateful and greedy leaders, but it needs to stop.
Now, I don't really mean to Patrick Stewart Speech you, but Humanity has so many great qualities going for it. We're infinitely adaptable, inventive, compassionate, capable of great feats. I believe that religion does a lot of good for people, even if I don't partake in it, however I also know that there are people that use belief out there for ill, and for abuse of fellow man. Take a look to the middle east, with the Israelis and Palestinians. This is not right, this is not just. However it is in ancient and more modern beliefs that such fight occur, and this must stop. People should be happy where they are, or if they aren't, they should have the freedom to try to do better, to strive for more out of life, not be shot down at gun point for not getting under a boot heel. This is created by evil men, whom have gained power.
I do not understand why people can do so much damage to one another. Speaking as someone who has hurt people emotionally and physically before, I regret everytime I did it, and I'd take it back if I could. But lately, I've taken a step back from the world and watched, and found that in my dealings with people, there isn't a lot that I should be very offended about. I may be upset for a few hours after it happens, but it's not worth stressing over. I'm used to people not believing what I believe in life, so maybe that gives me an edge, but I'm satisfied that people have their own beliefs and I have mine. My beliefs keep me happy, and living, and theirs do the same for them. Why is there conflict? There shouldn't be any there. I do not know enough about politics in Africa, or perhaps the lack of politics, to make any real commentary about that land, I wish I did though.
To finish up what might be this blog's revival, is a quote I found which I like. It's from Robert Heinlein.
And finally, I believe in my whole race. Yellow, white, black, red, brown --in the honesty, courage, intelligence, durability....and goodness.....of the overwhelming majority of my brothers and sisters everywhere on this planet. I am proud to be a human being. I believe that we have come this far by the skin of our teeth, that we always make it just by the skin of our teeth --but that we will always make it....survive....endure. I believe that this hairless embryo with the aching, oversize brain case and the opposable thumb, this animal barely up from the apes, will endure --will endure longer than his home planet, will spread out to the other planets, to the stars, and beyond, carrying with him his honesty, his insatiable curiosity, his unlimited courage --and his noble essential decency.This I believe with all my heart.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
This is a little hard to write about. Even now my brain is still not settled.
My boyfriend and I hit our 11th-month anniversary today. But that's not what this is about.
Either this fall or spring, he's joining the Air Force. That's closer to what this is about, but not the whole issue.
The thing is...we're both afraid of settling too early. Of loosing our chance to be young, wild, crazy kids with a life ahead of ourselves. I'm 19, he's 23.
When he leaves for the Air Force, we're going to have a (temporary!) open relationship.
I understand the reasoning. The needs for adventure, to have fun... but even thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach. The idea of him being with someone else hurts, in a way that I had never imagined.
The weirdest part is, neither of us are eager to do this. Yet we know it is for the best. Better now than 10 years down the line, where we'd be angry and bitter with each other. Even last night when he broke the idea, we were both curled up on his bed, tears on both our faces.
"Even now you're so beautiful to me." "I think it's impossible to me to find anyone who is more amazing than you."
Maybe it's an experiment where we know the ending, where we come back together, and it works, and we're fine. We'd be done with our wandering.
I love him so much. I just wish I would have met him at 25 instead of 18.
My boyfriend and I hit our 11th-month anniversary today. But that's not what this is about.
Either this fall or spring, he's joining the Air Force. That's closer to what this is about, but not the whole issue.
The thing is...we're both afraid of settling too early. Of loosing our chance to be young, wild, crazy kids with a life ahead of ourselves. I'm 19, he's 23.
When he leaves for the Air Force, we're going to have a (temporary!) open relationship.
I understand the reasoning. The needs for adventure, to have fun... but even thinking about it makes me feel sick to my stomach. The idea of him being with someone else hurts, in a way that I had never imagined.
The weirdest part is, neither of us are eager to do this. Yet we know it is for the best. Better now than 10 years down the line, where we'd be angry and bitter with each other. Even last night when he broke the idea, we were both curled up on his bed, tears on both our faces.
"Even now you're so beautiful to me." "I think it's impossible to me to find anyone who is more amazing than you."
Maybe it's an experiment where we know the ending, where we come back together, and it works, and we're fine. We'd be done with our wandering.
I love him so much. I just wish I would have met him at 25 instead of 18.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
The big nine monther
No, I'm not talking a child. It is mine and Erin's nine month anniversary today.
She points out it's not really an anniversary, but I figured I'd post this anyway for sake of an update after a month. Since Karria sucks and refuses to post anything.
kthxbye
She points out it's not really an anniversary, but I figured I'd post this anyway for sake of an update after a month. Since Karria sucks and refuses to post anything.
kthxbye
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I've got no right to lay claim to her frame; she's not my possession, you cunt.
So, I'm sure most of us have Youtube accounts at this point, and we're all getting lazy with it. Even I'm coming up with nothing, then using my "recommended for me" list to try and find something neat to listen to. I've come across a lot of interesting things while doing this, and I've been pretty pleased up until a month ago. So, I grabbed a screen shot, and this is what's being suggested for me:
2) NEW WORLD ORDER! CAN BE FAULT.wmv: Wow, this one is so classy, that it has a file extension on the end of it! I also have no idea what that thing thinks I looked up, because I don't recognize looking up anything called "New World Order" or "Can be Fault". The billboard shows "Impeach Obama", and as much as I'd find that funny, I'm not terribly interested one way or another.
3) Blink-182 not now: Apparently this is being suggested to me because I looked up a typography (Moving type) scene from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. How the hell do those connect? At all? Personally, I stopped listening to Blink-182 when I was in grade 8, and never looked back.
4) Hal Turner CNN: Who the hell is Hal Turner? Apparently it's because I looked up "Scientology Bel Air". Again, I don't remember looking this thing up, nor do I really care about it. Again, who the hell is Hal Turner, and why should I care?
5) Muse- Hysteria: At last! Something that remotely makes sense. I was looking up Knights of Cydonia... A few months ago! This is apparently because I looked up Cage the Elephant. I can see that connection, and it makes a sort of sense that should really appear more on this "Recommended for me" tab.
6) Timbaland- The Way I Are ft. Ke...: Okay, so I think I was in grade 9 when Timbaland first started influencing the trucker hat wearing, pants at their knees hooligans, and I didn't care then. I'm not sure how looking up Cage the Elephant would backfire and send me this tripe. Clearly this is a double sided sword when looking up music.
7) swing girls: Because I looked up Tokyo Godfathers? Huh? Is it because the swing girls look Asian from the thumbnail? I don't even wanna click on that at all.
8) Iron Butterfly - In-A-Gadda-Da V...: Uh, eh, huh? Because I looked up Jimmy Webb? Who the hell is Jimmy Webb? Look, Youtube, seriously, just because I might have looked something up ages ago, doesn't mean it's the focal point of my interest. Who the hell is this guy...? Better question, why do I care about Iron Butterfly?
If you were to go through my Youtube history, it would probably mostly be AMVs (Anime Music Videos), and Team Fortress 2 stuff. Not this stuff.
What is this stuff?
Anyway, it shouldn't be too hard to code a better way of recommending things for me. Maybe a tally under catagories, or something? hey, maybe even add a categories page?! Anyways, see ya'll later.
So, let's go through this, and analyze how it would possibly be of interest to me. Keep in mind, that this list hasn't changed in weeks.
1) The Halls of Montezuma: It appears to be an old guy with a guitar, probably doing a cover of "The Halls of Montezuma." I have no idea what that piece of music is, and apparently it's being suggested to me because I looked up the Fallout 3 soundtrack. What this old guy has to do with the Fallout 3 Soundtrack, I have no idea.
2) NEW WORLD ORDER! CAN BE FAULT.wmv: Wow, this one is so classy, that it has a file extension on the end of it! I also have no idea what that thing thinks I looked up, because I don't recognize looking up anything called "New World Order" or "Can be Fault". The billboard shows "Impeach Obama", and as much as I'd find that funny, I'm not terribly interested one way or another.
3) Blink-182 not now: Apparently this is being suggested to me because I looked up a typography (Moving type) scene from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. How the hell do those connect? At all? Personally, I stopped listening to Blink-182 when I was in grade 8, and never looked back.
4) Hal Turner CNN: Who the hell is Hal Turner? Apparently it's because I looked up "Scientology Bel Air". Again, I don't remember looking this thing up, nor do I really care about it. Again, who the hell is Hal Turner, and why should I care?
5) Muse- Hysteria: At last! Something that remotely makes sense. I was looking up Knights of Cydonia... A few months ago! This is apparently because I looked up Cage the Elephant. I can see that connection, and it makes a sort of sense that should really appear more on this "Recommended for me" tab.
6) Timbaland- The Way I Are ft. Ke...: Okay, so I think I was in grade 9 when Timbaland first started influencing the trucker hat wearing, pants at their knees hooligans, and I didn't care then. I'm not sure how looking up Cage the Elephant would backfire and send me this tripe. Clearly this is a double sided sword when looking up music.
7) swing girls: Because I looked up Tokyo Godfathers? Huh? Is it because the swing girls look Asian from the thumbnail? I don't even wanna click on that at all.
8) Iron Butterfly - In-A-Gadda-Da V...: Uh, eh, huh? Because I looked up Jimmy Webb? Who the hell is Jimmy Webb? Look, Youtube, seriously, just because I might have looked something up ages ago, doesn't mean it's the focal point of my interest. Who the hell is this guy...? Better question, why do I care about Iron Butterfly?
If you were to go through my Youtube history, it would probably mostly be AMVs (Anime Music Videos), and Team Fortress 2 stuff. Not this stuff.
What is this stuff?
Anyway, it shouldn't be too hard to code a better way of recommending things for me. Maybe a tally under catagories, or something? hey, maybe even add a categories page?! Anyways, see ya'll later.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I want the world wake, I want to give you peace. I want to vindicate, you need to be released.
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the very sensitive subject of abortion, and what my stance on it is. See, I'm very much for the freedom of the individual, provided that the individual doesn't impede the rights of others. That fits against the Pro-Choice argument, because "All life is sacred". But this doesn't seem to constitute animals at all, only fetuses.
Not only that, but is a fetus a human life, while still in the womb? It has no capability to survive by itself, it needs the mother's nutrients and body to survive, which puts it in the parasite column. We kill parasites all the time in nature, so why is this any different?
After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I'm entirely pro choice, the choice going to the mother. However, I'm actually pro abortion in some cases. For example, if the life of the mother is in danger, like a younger girl. If only one is going to come out of that, I'd prefer it be the mother, personally. And if both would die, then why make them go through it? I realize abortion has it's problems, but the chance to continue living is something I feel is important. Is it fair to let a woman die, in exchange for a tabula rasa child, with no knowledge of it's own possible destruction?
Not only that, but is a fetus a human life, while still in the womb? It has no capability to survive by itself, it needs the mother's nutrients and body to survive, which puts it in the parasite column. We kill parasites all the time in nature, so why is this any different?
After a lot of thinking, I came to the conclusion that I'm entirely pro choice, the choice going to the mother. However, I'm actually pro abortion in some cases. For example, if the life of the mother is in danger, like a younger girl. If only one is going to come out of that, I'd prefer it be the mother, personally. And if both would die, then why make them go through it? I realize abortion has it's problems, but the chance to continue living is something I feel is important. Is it fair to let a woman die, in exchange for a tabula rasa child, with no knowledge of it's own possible destruction?
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